Thursday 8 August 2013

When I was a college kid (Part 3)

When we meet failure, we have to look from ourselves to find where we went wrong. But before we can think rationally, the moment we receive our results we will be overwhelmed by emotions. If it is a pass, we will be overjoyed and if it is a fail, frustration and negativity shall loom. We have to get over that emotion first before we can think straight and rationally.

Confiding in someone allows us to pour out our feelings. Frustration, anger, sadness and all the negative emotions have to manifest first before calmness can ever appear. Once we have accepted the result then only can we correct our mistakes. We need a clear mind to think unbiasly.
ACCA’s toughest test is not the exam questions but the test of accepting failure sometimes and picking up yourself again in the shortest possible time and telling yourself you are okay and then, continue your journey again. This time choose a different path.

A quote from Albert Einstein:
Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results’.
Sometimes, students thought I would be annoyed if they choose another lecturer and they avoided me. I know most lecturers have small heart but not me. If I can’t help you to pass, I will definitely encourage you to choose another lecturer. Every lecturer has his or her own strength and perhaps that strength is the weakness that you are trying to overcome. Student always tell me that my strength is in consolidation and exam technique.

When you wanted to know more about a particular topic, you won’t buy books written by only one author. If fact your shelf would be filled with books from many different authors. So, why limit yourself to only one particular lecturer. Different lecturers would give you different insights. What matters most is that you PASS.
You need all the help you can get and rest assured that I will give you my full support. Just that at times I am constrained by the system. At one hand I wanted to offer help for free and at the same time I also have paying students. Still I need to earn a living and I hope that one day I could offer my lectures for free but then again this would affect the livelihood of other lecturers and colleges. You just can’t please everybody.

I gave it very deep thought and I need to differentiate paying from non-paying students and that is why I have created two groups in Facebook i.e. F7Dec2013 and P2Dec2013 groups. I will post my slides and answer any questions posted where the public can view. However, I may have to encrypt some video files uploaded to be viewed exclusively only by paying students.
Some students told me that I have focussed too much on calculation and I have accepted my mistake and that is why I have changed my style to focus on explaining the accounting standards and unfortunately this has taken up the time to do more past year questions. However, I found that most students like it better when the standards are explained. In fact, most of the explanation could be found in study texts. You just can’t have the best of everything. There is always a trade-off.

This time round I have added Powerpoint slides in my lecture and gave the slides hand-out to students before the class to reduce note taking. I have centred my lecture on explaining the reasoning behind the accounting standards rather than focusing purely on doing questions in class. Where possible I would squeeze in a question or two. I was hoping to do more videos on past year questions but it is really taking a long time and effort. Sometimes, I wonder if students have time to view all the videos.
Result day
It was result day yesterday and my mood is very difficult to explain. It is complicated. I was on my smartphone almost the entire day. When I hear passes, I share their joy and when I hear failure, I share their sadness.

I remembered back to the time I failed my exam. During my time, I have to retake all 3 papers including the ones I already pass. It was very disappointing when you can’t get to keep the paper that you pass. That is why most students gave up ACCA in the end. I have a friend who sat for 3 sittings and pass a different paper each sitting but ended up with not a single pass. He was born at the wrong generation; he would already be an ACCA if he sat for the papers now.
Failing exam hurts very much that nothing can heal that feeling. The worst part is when your friends ask you for your result. Sometimes, you just wish they won’t ask as you don’t even want to talk about it, not least being reminded about it. That is why I won’t ask my students and if there is good news, they will definitely tell me.

Every lecturer will feel guilty when their students didn’t do well. We just wish that there is something we can do to help. Every bad news is like a needle piercing through my heart, even when the student passes at the subsequent sitting the scar is always there. I always hope that the pass could come at the first attempt.
When I receive the bad news on my result, I felt that I just wanted to be alone and go away to another universe if possible, far away from any living soul. Let me live there forever, not having to face any single person any longer. It took me a while to recover and realise that leaving this world would do me no good. Some more it is impossible. Then, the most I could do is to lock myself up in my room and never ever to come out.

I realised that we all have felt that kind of feeling before, at some point in our life. I just couldn’t hold myself together because ACCA means a lot to me, it is my life, my pride and it is what I live for. It is a passport for poor people like me to have a better life. I bet my life for this, I quit my job, I used up my savings and I am devastated. Tears won’t do me any good because it can’t change my result. I was so close and yet so far. It was the final 3 papers.
The days passed and my mood didn’t get any better. It was difficult to get over that very strong emotion that I am a loser, I am good at nothing. I wanted to erase all this from my memory and it was very torturing. I woke up each day facing the same emotion day after day. The emotion gets worse each day.

Finally, I looked into the mirror. I was in such an agony situation. What have become of me?
Then, the defining moment came, I feel that emotion deep in my heart, I feel the pain, so unbearable, how much it hurts me, how much suffering I have endured and I tell myself, yes I told myself, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! This is the LAST TIME I am going to have this feeling. I ACCEPT the result but this is not the end. I still BELIEVE I am BETTER and VERY MUCH BETTER than what they mark me as. I am going to show them,

I AM ACCA material.”
I pulled myself together. I have a choice and I choose to fight rather than give up. This is only a temporary setback and I will come back again. And I will come back stronger. I ask myself what I did wrong. I looked back to my books and I can’t see my mistakes. I searched everywhere but I couldn’t find it. I didn’t sit for exam the next sitting.

I continue my lecturing and put aside my ACCA dream. I went on to fulfil my students’ dreams. I was lecturing LCCI Business Statistics. It was almost a year I kept this within my heart. Every once in a while, it (ACCA dream) felt like wanting to explode out of my heart. But I have to contain it until a suitable time comes.
The feeling is like you have an unfinished business waiting for you. Every day the feeling grows and you just can’t hide it. Just can’t get rid of it. It is like ACCA keep on calling you. Do you know before my time, ACCA was actually known as CACA. Many people made a joke of it saying it stands for ‘Come Again, Come Again’. Perhaps, that is why it was renamed ACCA later.

Anyway, looking back it was kind of fated that I took a break from ACCA. Sometimes, we need to come out of the ‘problem’ in order to see things clearly. It was like suddenly the burden was lifted.
When you are far apart from what you used to pursue, you see yourself clearer, you see what matters most to you, only then, you know what you wanted most of all. When two lovers are far apart, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Then only you know ACCA and you are made for each other. ACCA completes you.

Tell this to your friends who have just pass ACCA. They will tell you that all those sufferings, torture, tears, frustrations are all worth it because they just can’t explain to you the feeling that they are having now once they pass. It is like when something hurts the deepest, that something also brings the greatest joy you have ever experienced. I jumped up in the air when I receive my final results later. Well, I will save that for my next story.
If you have pass ACCA, Well done, my comrades!
ACCA is an exclusive club that only admits members not by invitation but by really earning it. That is why employers respect us.

If you are still on your way, don’t give up. It shall be your turn soon. If you are tired, it is okay to take a break. I took mine and I still complete the race, in fact, my break reinforces my determination.

Wednesday 7 August 2013

When I was a college kid (Part 2)

My direct family members are extremely supportive of my ACCA pursuit but I find that it is not always true with some of my friends and relatives, they would be delighted if friends or relatives’ son turned out to be a failure. Perhaps, the burden of having successful friends or relatives takes away the limelight of their own achievements. Sad but true.

Envy is the work of the devil
I have friends and relatives who are quick to show resentment on their luckier and more successful friends or relatives and usually this happened unconsciously. I don’t blame them and neither should you. Perhaps envy has become some sort of a habit to them.
Forgive them for they exist to test our determination. Their hurtful words, gossips and discouragement will fade and evaporate once they know you stand even stronger and are unmoved.
When I was small, I too felt envy when I see other kids throwing a birthday party and invited me but I never get a chance to throw a birthday party for myself and invite them.

My family was poor and my Dad never flew on a plane before until after he retired at 55 years old. The first time he flew was with me to KL in 1991 to visit my brother who was still studying in UPM, Serdang. We stayed at YMCA, Brickfields and we would take the taxi to Petaling Street. At the time, the pedlars were all Cantonese speaking Chinese guys. Bargaining is the norm in Petaling Street then as it still is now. Only difference is that if they agreed to your price but you didn’t buy, then they will scold you $#!?<%(Cantonese version). Now, it is @≠©-0(Bangladesh version).
Now back to my college days…

Taking ACCA papers is just like riding a motorbike at night without any headlight or streetlights on. You just don’t know when there is a turning around the corner or there is a bump in front and you need to slow down. Sometimes, you banged into something and you still don’t know what hit you. But you just climbed up your bike and continue to ride again. Count yourself lucky if you managed to avoid all the pit falls and pass ACCA on each first attempt.
I only understood all this after I started lecturing. Most of the times, we are putting students at risk when we spot topics. But still, we continue doing so, as no one can study everything in a couple of months and sit for the exam. That is why the stress level is very high. Too short a time and too much of the syllabus. Each Professional level paper is actually taken from a single subject at the Masters level which normally takes about 9 months to complete. And here we are, squeezing that paper into 4½months to be exact.

Not forgetting some students take ACCA part time while working. Time and energy are such rare scarcity for them. Like I mentioned earlier, full timer’s distraction is usually love relationship but part timer’s distraction is usually work related or even that annoying superior that has been breathing down your neck.
Most students didn’t know that I was also in that kind of dilemma at one time. Before I attended TARC, I have been working for almost 4 years, trying to save enough to continue my studies. I tried attending evening classes after work and failed as I was dozing off most of the time. In the end, I decided to quit my job in Singapore and enrol to TARC. It was an easy decision because my wife also intends to further her studies in KL back then.

As far as I know, my students who quit their job to take up full time study all made it through ACCA. Of course, make sure there is sufficient savings before you quit your job and don’t take longer than 2 years or else your resume won’t be impressive. If you are really contemplating to quit your job and study full time, my advice would be to do that in the Professional papers (P1 to P7) rather than the Foundation papers.
As for me, I started from F1 all over again (during my time it was called Paper 1). I lost the fire when I reach the Professional level, I could have just given up then and I really almost wanted to give up. My reason was because my fund runs out in the final year. Your motivation would be negative when your wallet is empty.

During those days, I dug out all the loose change that I used to keep and buy Gardenia bread. One loaf can last for 3 meals per day. Having fully excavated all those loose change, finally, I have to starve for three days surviving only with boiled water. When I saw my housemates cooking instant noodles, I could hear my stomach rumbling but I am just too shy to ask.

My ego took a huge blow when my wife suddenly checked my wallet and found it to be empty. Then, she slipped in a hundred ringgit note there. She was upset that I didn’t tell her my financial problem. It was the most embarrassing moment in my life accepting money from my wife and all that pride that you have been holding on to all this while came crushing down. That same moment was also the defining moment in my life that the next time, I will be the one giving to her. So far, I have kept that promise which I made to myself.

In 2007, she resigned from the only one company that she has worked for since graduation, after working there for more than 7 years. Now, she is a full time housewife though she yearns once in a while to work again. I have not told her the promise I made unless of course if she reads my blog, which I think she will.
Well, the hundred ringgit means a lot to me and I can never forget that. I have gone down so low in my life that I have to accept money from my girlfriend. Any girl would have just dumped me and moved on but she stayed. At the same time, there are other guys in the university and I shall leave that for another story.

I was touched and still am for what she did then, stayed on for a poor guy like me.
Before long, the hundred ringgit was used up. Fortunately, my father and brother chip in to cushion me through the rest of the year. Looking back, I understood why I have to go through that. I failed to plan properly and did not incorporate additional expenses such as exam fees, transport costs, furniture, books, etc.
If you are considering quitting your job and study full time, please plan it properly and also have a back-up plan in case it didn’t work out. Worse come to worse, go back to work again.

Let ACCA strengthen family ties
I also find that family members play very important role not just financially but also spiritually. My source of motivation during my college days are my family members. They are like powerful life forces that keep you charged when you face life challenges. When you are at your lowest, they will be there unconditionally for you. When you need help, who else would be offering help willingly besides your family members.
I find that nowadays, technology has distant us from our family members instead of bringing us closer like when telephone was first invented. This is really such a paradox! Many suicides could have being prevented if only someone is there for the troubled. Don’t suffer in silence, confide in someone you can trust.

Remember that your family members want what is best for you. When I was in college, most of my classmates are not close with their family members. Usually, I only heard one side of the story that their parents only doted on their younger siblings and not them. Maybe it could be true but perhaps parents may think that elder siblings are more independent and matured and doesn’t need their help and attention. So you don’t see much of their concern because you never needed it before.
But now, as you embark on this journey it is different and you would be tested to your most fragile state. ACCA demands a lot from us. It seems there is no mercy shown. If a student didn’t make the mark, markers won’t hesitate to fail the student. I find that the earlier you accept this fact the better you become at passing the papers.
You need your family members to be your pillar of strength, you just have to ask and they will listen. You just have to tell them you need someone to listen to your feelings, not judge you and not to give you any suggestion or opinion. And they will listen.
Upon graduation, it will be meaningless if you have to go on stage to receive your scroll and there is no one, no family members to witness your glorious moment. Share your joy and tears with them. Then only this ACCA journey becomes more meaningful.

When I was a college kid (Part 1)

There I was being a college kid again and those memories; sweet, sour and bitter all came flashing back to me as if it only happened yesterday. So as I looked back, I wasn’t outstanding in my studies, neither was I very active in extra-curricular activities in college. I was just the ordinary guy who attends lectures, tutorials and occasionally skip a dozen or so of such lectures.

So, perhaps you too might share the same experience and notoriety as me. Hey! Can’t blame us, we are young only once. I bet you that your parents won’t even tell you the mischief they did during their college days. I just want to be honest with my students and let them know that whatever that is going on in their mind and heart is normal and everyone has gone through the same experience. We all have lived through that and we are doing fine now.
Back then even before enrolling for college, I already knew my girlfriend who is now my wife. To this date, we have known each other for 18 years from the first day we met in Singapore. She studied in UKM, Bangi while I enrolled to TAR College, Setapak. You might ask how come I didn’t apply to UKM. Anyway, I got rejected by UKM because I only sat for 4 papers in STPM. Those days, the university will calculate our credit points for admission and most people sat for 5 papers while I sat for only 4 papers. But, like what Steve Jobs said about connecting the dots… now I understood better why I enrolled to TARC instead. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have met those wonderful TARC (now TARUC) students that I lectured last semester.

Skipping lectures doesn’t seem like what any lecturer would tell their students to do, not least admit that they have done just that. However, there is a point I would like to raise here that having full attendance doesn’t mean the student deserves a pass.
So what makes a pass or a fail?

To be downright honest, lecturers only contribute 30 to 40% of the passes by spotting on the right topics or devising a better method to understand and tackle the questions while the remaining 60 to 70% has to come from the student’s own effort.
Conjuring is the art of distraction
Like most other full time students in TARC, I stay in a ‘student populated’ rented house and there is one thing good about that, we do not own a TV set. That at least got rid of one major distraction because during our time TV is the only form of entertainment besides movies. Come to think of it, the last time I watched TV was during the badminton match between Datuk Lee Chong Wei and Lin Dan. That was like ages ago.

Now, I find students barely watched TV which has long been replaced by Facebook or other internet addiction, perhaps games or PPS or whatever. Times changed but our attitude or rather addiction doesn’t. Nowadays, students are easily distracted by so many stuffs.
During my college days, my only distraction would be the weekends that I would ride my bike to meet my girlfriend in Bangi. It might be very ‘sensitive’ to call your girlfriend a ‘distraction’ but face it, anything that takes time away from your studies distracts you. It gets worse after you got back from the date and you just can’t stop thinking; not so much about your books but her. So what did I do? Sometimes I wish that our mind has a remote control that we can switch channel with just a press of the button.

My roommate was very envious initially as he was single. It wasn’t until he had found himself a girlfriend that he realised he was blessed to be single. His was a sad story. He stopped ACCA after he broke off with his girlfriend. The post-break up was really like hell not just for him but for all our housemates. He was like trying to pick up a fight with everyone and it was like the world owes him something. In the end, everyone avoided him and finally, he moved out.
Every now and then, I regretted for not being an understanding friend when he was having problems. He picked up smoking, cursing and later became anti-social. At that time, I couldn’t understand his behaviour and I don’t think he also understand why he behaved that way. To him, his girlfriend is everything for him, his life, his future, his everything. And imagine losing all that when the girl wanted to break off with him, it must have hurt a lot!

I can see that he loves her very much but every time when they go out happily, they always ended up quarrelling back home. All of us get very worried that either one of them might do something stupid.
For me, every couple would quarrel every now and then, and the best thing to do when both parties are very agitated is to just keep quiet. We say the worst things when we are angry and usually words that we didn’t really meant, words that hurt people, words that we would regret saying later. Once those words come out, we can’t take them back.

Whatever it is, step away from the argument and tell the other party that you need some time to calm down. Hey! If anyone tells you that he/she needs time to calm down, you would give him/her space even though you are angry too, right. In fact, that would be the best thing to do in any heated argument. Give each other space and time to think it through.
My roommate was not fortunate as college life didn’t end well for him. I know that many guys don’t recover after break-up and worst, they stopped their studies after the break-up especially if the girl is also taking the same course. Take my advice, if you really want to have a girlfriend, find one from other courses otherwise someone’s ego is going to take a beating when that someone gets stuck in some papers while the other has already completed ACCA.

Family matters
Up to now, there is only one exception that I know of. There is this one couple where his girlfriend graduates first and he insisted on taking a photograph with me during his girlfriend’s graduation and he promised me that the next graduation will be his. True enough, he graduated the next sitting and this time his girlfriend took the picture for us. Later on, he recommended his brother to the class too. Wow! It is really a family ACCA event for them.
To any ACCA student, the goal is to complete all the ACCA papers. It sounds easy but along the way, we faced many challenges: physically, mentally and for some even financially. People closest to us be it our girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, parents and for some even their kids need to understand that ACCA matters a lot to us.

It is a challenge that we have committed ourselves when we choose to study ACCA. Nobody forced us. To some of our friends and relatives; they probably are pouring cold water on us, one pail after another. Some are very direct they tell it straight to your face while others may say it behind your back.
When I told my colleague that I am going for ACCA, she told me straight in my face that I can’t pass ACCA. She is an engineer and her friend, a smarter engineer than her took ACCA and couldn’t pass. I told her confidently, “I will complete ACCA.” She apologised to me the next day. She meant no harm, just that she is concerned I couldn’t complete my studies. I said, “It is okay, I know.”

From then on, I have to live up to my words. My family and my wife are very supportive to me and I count myself very lucky indeed. Throughout my studies, they didn’t give me any problems. Their emotional support is already enough. I always tell myself that I do not want to disappoint them. I will make them proud once I earned my ACCA. That day will come.
It came true for me and it will happen for you too.